Every town has a season it doesn't fully think through. In Snowman Falls, that season is anything warm, and the residents greet it the way they greet most things: with total confidence and a cooler full of plans.
I've been keeping notes. That's most of my job here, honestly. Somebody golfs, somebody books a cruise, somebody agrees to a rematch they cannot physically afford... and somebody has to write it down. The Great Meltdown Collection is that record, printed on Comfort Colors premium t-shirts so the rest of us can carry the evidence around.
The record so far
The titles in this collection do most of the reporting. Worst Canoe Buddy does not specify which of the two was the problem, and I think that's wise. Awkward Picnic Date is self-explanatory, which is the kindest thing I can say about it. Total Meltdown: Ice Cream With Bigfoot raises questions I've chosen not to ask, mostly because Cryptid Cookout Meltdown and Sasquatch Summer Meltdown suggest the two parties have been seeing a lot of each other lately.
There's a public-service wing, too: Off Duty: Firefighter At The Grill, Everything's Fine: Lifeguard Chair Watch, Code Blue Meltdown, Melting On Duty: Field Pack Salute. The residents who hold these jobs take them seriously. The jobs do not always return the favor.
High Stakes Rematch is exactly what it sounds like. So is Just One More, which around here is less a request and more a forecast. The home-improvement contingent gave us Peak Curb Appeal and Botanical Meltdown Mode in the same stretch of weeks, which tells you something about how projects go in this town. And if you want the whole philosophy in a single design, there's Questionable Life Choices. No further comment from me on that one.
Who this is for
Here's what I've noticed since the collection went up: nobody sees these designs and thinks about snowmen. They think about a person. Total Roadside Meltdown calls up a specific individual and a specific vehicle. Hot Jazz Meltdown belongs to somebody's brother. Tropical Meltdown Cruise is for whoever books the trip, commits to the itinerary, and declines to acknowledge the itinerary coming apart in real time. You know this person. You may be married to this person.
Kate went through the whole collection the day it posted and named names for every single design. Out loud. With dates.
A note on the melting
For anyone new to Snowman Falls, I should be clear: melting is not a tragedy here. It's closer to a scheduling matter (inconvenient, fixable, and apparently never a reason to leave early). A resident can lose considerable structural integrity at a cookout and still stay for dessert. They reassemble. They rebook. In several documented cases, they had already planned the rematch before they finished refreezing.
Walter was present for most of these incidents. I'm not saying that means anything ~ I'm noting it for the record, because the record is the whole point.
Shop The Great Meltdown Collection and look for the design that names somebody you know. You won't have to look long. You probably had someone in mind before you finished this sentence.
Written by Jack Mercer. Thanks for reading.